God equals Love: Letting Him Search My Heart

“When journaling uncovers what sermons sometimes can’t. God equals love”

When the Sermon Doesn't Land

I wish I could tell you that every Sunday I sit in church, my heart is open, ready, and fully engaged. But the truth? Sometimes I miss the sermon entirely.

Last week the topic was God’s Incorruptible Love. A message I’ve heard before, a truth I know in my head, but one I struggled to receive in that moment. As the pastor spoke, my eyes wandered.

I noticed couples sitting together. Husbands resting an arm across their wives’ shoulders. Wives leaning in. It looked so ordinary, yet to me it felt unreachable. And in that instant, I wasn’t listening to the Word — I was listening to envy.

The Ache I Didn’t Expect

I didn’t expect to feel jealous. I didn’t expect to crave the touch of a hand across my own shoulder so deeply that it made me tune out everything else. But there it was — raw and undeniable.

That’s when the questions started swirling: Does God really love me if I never get to experience love like that? Does His incorruptible love count for less if I never have someone sitting beside me in the pew?

I knew all the “right” answers. But knowing truth and feeling it are not the same.

The Practice of Writing It Out

That afternoon, I sat down with my journal — and the words surprised me as they took shape across the page: God equals Love.

Not shorthand. Not a symbol. Written out fully, like a declaration. Almost like my heart needed to see it spelled in black and white.

It didn’t erase my ache, but it reframed it.

Because journaling has become more than a place for random thoughts. It has turned into a practice of honesty, a mirror that doesn’t let me hide. Writing forces me to slow down, to admit what I’m really feeling, and to let God meet me there.

In that moment, God equals Love wasn’t a clever phrase. It was both confession and reminder:

• Confession, because my envy had stolen my focus.

• Reminder, because God’s love isn’t diminished by what I lack.

He is Love. Fully, perfectly, incorruptibly.

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The Gift of Being Searched

That’s when Psalm 139:23–24 came to mind:

“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” — Psalm 139:23–24

In church, my distraction felt like failure. But in prayer and journaling, I saw it differently. God wasn’t shocked by my jealousy. He wasn’t shamed by my longing. He was searching me, gently uncovering what needed His light.

And in that uncovering, He was leading me back to Himself.

Why I Share This

I don’t write this to tie a neat bow around the ache. It’s still there. But I write because I know I’m not the only woman who sits in church and wonders if God’s love is “enough.”

Maybe you’ve looked at another woman’s hand clasped in her husband’s and thought, Will I ever know that kind of closeness? Maybe you’ve scrolled through small groups hoping you might find “the one” there. Maybe you’ve quietly questioned if God’s love is really as satisfying as people say.

If that’s you, I want you to know: you are not alone in that thought. And you don’t have to hide it from Him.

God equals Love

Those three words in my journal are still the anchor. His love is not a leftover. It is not what you settle for when earthly love disappoints. His love is the incorruptible kind — steady, pure, unchanging, enough.

Writing helped me see that. And maybe reading this helps you remember too.

Take a moment this week to write one declaration in your journal — just like I wrote ‘God equals Love.’ What truth do you need to see in ink? Save this post as a reminder.